Funny German InsultsHow to Insult Friends & Family

Germans aren't known for their polite innuendos, so you will have to learn some insults before travelling to Berlin.


In this blog post, we're going to look at insults in German. There are funny German insults, which are just hilarious to know. Then, there are also mild insults you might want to use with a good friend. And then, lastly, there are strong German insults - we won't dive into them here, because our souls are just too delicate for that.

Funny German Insults

Germany is a country with a rich cultural heritage, and its language is no exception. German is a powerful and versatile language that can be used to express a wide range of emotions, including humor. If you're looking to add a touch of humor to your conversations with German-speaking friends or family, here are some light-hearted German insults that are sure to bring a smile to everyone's face.

die Arschgeige
lit: ass violin
der Hornochse
lit.: Oxen with horns
der Erbsenzähler
lit: pea counter
der Spargeltarzan
lit: asparagus-Tarzan
der Rotzlöffel
lit: snot spoon
der Lackaffe
lit: varnish monkey
das Backpfeifengesicht
lit: cheek whistle face
das Weichei
lit: soft egg
die Spaßbremse
lit: fun brake
der Warmduscher
lit: warm-showerer
der Arschkriecher
lit: ass crawler


This insult, which means "you jackass," is a playful way to tease someone for doing something foolish or silly. It's a common insult used among friends and is not meant to be taken seriously.


The German insult Erbsenzähler is used to describe someone who is overly meticulous and concerned with petty details. Literally translated to English, it means something "pea counter" or "bean counter".

Kannst du mir noch die 8 Cent geben, die du mir schuldest?
Can you give me the 8 cents you owe me?
Ist das dein Ernst? Du bist echt so ein Erbsenzähler, Pierre. Wir sehen uns dann morgen!
Are you serious? You're such a nitpicker, Pierre. See you tomorrow!

Erbsenzähler is often used in a teasing or lighthearted way to make fun of someone who is perceived as being overly fussy or pedantic. It is not a particularly severe insult, but is more of a way to poke fun at someone's fussiness or nitpicking nature.


A Spargeltarzan is someone who is slim and lacks physical strength or muscle mass. The word is often used in a teasing way to make fun of a close friend or family member.

Schau mal, ich habe ein altes Video von dir gefunden. Du warst ja damals richtig dünn.
Look, I found an old video of you. You were so thin back then.
Ja, ich war ein richtiger Spargeltarzan!
Yes, I was a real beanpole!

In case you didn't notice: Spargeltarzan is a compound word that's made up from the words Spargel (asparagus) and "Tarzan," the famous jungle hero known for his strength and athleticism.


A Rotzlöffel is a brat - so you'd generally use this word to describe naughty children or sometimes teenager. The literal meaning is quite gross: It literally translates as “snot spoon”.

Das Nachbarskind war gerade schon wieder so frech zu mir!
The neighbor's kid was being cheeky to me again!
Ja, das ist ein kleiner Rotzlöffel! Aber ich mag ihn trotzdem ganz gerne.
Yes, that's a little brat! But I still like him.


Lackaffe is a light German insult that you should be a bit more careful with than the other words in this list. It's not a very strong insult, but you also wouldn't normally say this to a friend - it's too mean for that.

Guck mal, Thomas hat neue Schuhe und trägt jetzt nur noch Anzüge. Was ein Lackaffe!
Look, Thomas got new shoes and only wears suits now. What a show-off!
Sei doch nicht so! Er ist doch immer sehr nett zu dir. Ich glaube er findet dich ganz gut.
Don't be like that! He's always very nice to you. I think he likes you.

Lackaffe literally means "varnish monkey" or "lacquer ape". It's used to describe someone who is overly well-dressed, vain and keen to show the world. The American equivalent would maybe be "showboat", in Britain some people say "spiv" or "show Harry".


Peter hat so ein Backpfeifengesicht! Ich muss mich wirklich zurückhalten.
Peter has such a punchable face! I really have to restrain myself.
Ja, das stimmt. Er grinst immer so frech, wenn er sich über dich lustig macht.
Yes, that's true. He always grins so cheekily when he makes fun of you.


Sei doch nicht so ein Weichei, Anne. Zwei Stunden Schlaf reichen vollkommen aus.
Don't be such a wimp, Anne. Two hours of sleep are perfectly fine.
Das ist so unfair. Du hast ausgeschlafen und möchtest jetzt, dass ich mit dir die Wohnung putze?
That's so unfair. You've had enough sleep and now you want me to clean the apartment with you?


Ich will nicht mit euch in das verlassene Schwimmbad einbrechen. Es ist 1 Uhr nachts und arschkalt.
I don't want to break into the abandoned swimming pool with you guys. It's 1 AM and freezing cold.
Sei doch nicht so eine Spaßbremse. Hast du denn noch nie etwas Verbotenes getan?
Don't be such a killjoy. Haven't you ever done something illegal?


Sahil trinkt jeden Abend um 10 Uhr eine heiße Schokolade und geht dann ins Bett.
Sahil drinks a hot chocolate every evening at 10 PM and then goes to bed.
Wirklich? Ich wusste nicht, dass er so ein Warmduscher ist!
Really? I didn't know he's such a wimp!
Das habe ich nur ein einziges Mal gemacht! Ok, vielleicht zwei mal.
I've only done that once! Okay, maybe twice.


Warum bist du so ein Arschkriecher? Herr Lehmann ist doch gar nicht mehr dein Mathelehrer.
Why are you such a brown-noser? Mr. Lehmann isn't your math teacher anymore.
Ja, aber ich dachte er würde sich trotzdem über ein paar selbstgebackene Kekse freuen.
Yes, but I thought he would still appreciate some homemade cookies.

Light-Hearted German Insults

der Spinner
der Depp
der Penner
der Dussel


This insult, which translates to "you nutcase" or "you crazy person," is a playful way to tease someone. Use it with friends or family members whom you know well and who won't take offense.


This insult, which means "you dork" or "you goofball," is a friendly way to poke fun at someone's actions or behavior. It's often used among close friends or family members.


This insult, which translates to "you slacker" or "you lazy bones," is a mild way to call someone out for being lazy or not putting in enough effort. Use it in a joking manner, and only with people who won't take offense.


This insult, which translates to "you dope" or "you nincompoop," is a light-hearted way to poke fun at someone for making a mistake or for being forgetful. Use it in a joking manner, and only with people who won't take offense.

It's important to note that these insults are meant to be light-hearted and used in a joking manner. They should never be used to deliberately hurt someone's feelings. If you're not sure if an insult is appropriate to use, it's always best to err on the side of caution and avoid using it altogether.

Strong & Nasty German Insults

If you are looking for some real German insults, I'm afraid we are too polite & our souls are just too delicate to list them here.

But this Youtube video has some nasty ones:

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